"Blue Skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Wide the hell open, lmao.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Heavy Rotation
After talking to my mom yesterday I'm feeling a little better today. Some of the best advice I've ever gotten from her "Snap out of it!" lol.
Anywho last week or I received a pole dancing tutorial. It never really intrigued me before but after this lady showed me some things it was pretty fun (except for the sore thighs and arms, what a workout!) Funny thing is I didn't really feel sexy while I was doing it, it was more of a workout if anything, took me back to the days in gym class where you had to climb the rope. Me, not so much, I have very little upper body strength lol. Who thought of stripper poles anyways btw? Gotta look that one up.....
Is it me or was yesterday's weather feeling really good? This morning also was feeling a little cool.
I had a bad day in my french class today. I could not seem to concentrate for some reason. Speaking it I was fine but writing it.....ugh just couldn't seem to get my tenses and grammar in check. I guess the professor noticed my frustration because he asked me if everything was alright. I wanted to say hell no I had a hell of a weekend but I just said yeah I was fine. I should stop wearing my emotions on my sleeve, doesn't do anything but leave you embarrassed.
In heavy rotation in my Playlist:
Just Good Friends - Michael Jackson
Free Yourself - Fantasia
Never Can Say Goodbye - Michael Jackson/Gloria Gaynor
No One Gets the Prize - Diana Ross
Can't We Try - Teddy Pendergrass
I'd Rather - Luther Vandross
Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill
Take a Bow - Madonna
If My Heart Could Sing - Marvin Gaye
When Your Lover has Gone - Marvin Gaye
I Miss You So - Diana Krall
Officially Missing you -Tamia
I Get So Lonely - Janet Jackson
Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton
Can You Stop the Rain - Peabo Bryson
Anywho last week or I received a pole dancing tutorial. It never really intrigued me before but after this lady showed me some things it was pretty fun (except for the sore thighs and arms, what a workout!) Funny thing is I didn't really feel sexy while I was doing it, it was more of a workout if anything, took me back to the days in gym class where you had to climb the rope. Me, not so much, I have very little upper body strength lol. Who thought of stripper poles anyways btw? Gotta look that one up.....
Is it me or was yesterday's weather feeling really good? This morning also was feeling a little cool.
I had a bad day in my french class today. I could not seem to concentrate for some reason. Speaking it I was fine but writing it.....ugh just couldn't seem to get my tenses and grammar in check. I guess the professor noticed my frustration because he asked me if everything was alright. I wanted to say hell no I had a hell of a weekend but I just said yeah I was fine. I should stop wearing my emotions on my sleeve, doesn't do anything but leave you embarrassed.
In heavy rotation in my Playlist:
Just Good Friends - Michael Jackson
Free Yourself - Fantasia
Never Can Say Goodbye - Michael Jackson/Gloria Gaynor
No One Gets the Prize - Diana Ross
Can't We Try - Teddy Pendergrass
I'd Rather - Luther Vandross
Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill
Take a Bow - Madonna
If My Heart Could Sing - Marvin Gaye
When Your Lover has Gone - Marvin Gaye
I Miss You So - Diana Krall
Officially Missing you -Tamia
I Get So Lonely - Janet Jackson
Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton
Can You Stop the Rain - Peabo Bryson
Monday, June 29, 2009
Pain doesn't last forever but...
*Takes a deep breath*
I'm really hurting right now, in case that wasn't conveyed.
Yes I had to come back for the second post in one day. Thanks for reading.
I'm really hurting right now, in case that wasn't conveyed.
Yes I had to come back for the second post in one day. Thanks for reading.
And the winner is...
Me!
Yes, I've won a new outlook on life, love, and people. And let me tell you, the shit aint pretty. But it's ok, I'm just going to stop being nice, caring about peoples feelings and start taking someones advice which was to "do me". Whatever the fck that means. Ah well, I guess I'll find out. You only live once right? No need in tip toeing, explaining or beatin around the bush. I'll let folk think whatever the hell they want and I guess I'll "flirt" til my little fckin heart is content and play football with my shit load of guy friends. *rolling my eyes* fck outa here...One of the most valuable lessons I've learned is to keep my damn mouth shut. People tend to ask you questions about your past/present/future that they really don't want to know the answers to...or they want to know the answers to but know they can't handle it and judge you off of that. Or they pick and choose what they want to judge you off of either way from now on I'm keeping my mouth shut and I will only answer all questions pertaining to "the way I live my life" with "It's none of your damn business." How's that for being secretive?
I made a mistake a long time ago, I started fuckin with a situation that I should have probably left dead a long time ago. Indecisiveness, womped love triangle, whatever you wanna call it, that was it and as much as my unrelenting love had a big part to play with it, it kinda makes you want to say "what's love got to do with it?" Esp. when you're really hurting inside...your head just gets so cloudy and the emotions and feelings that you never thought you could feel so strongly for one person takes over and it's like a 24hr high on some strong ass shit. It makes you want to and/or go against your morals, it makes you try to justify an unjustifiable situation when all you really have to do is open your eyes and see shit for what it is, the real shit. Too many folks are indecisive and too many people have too much love to give. I don't regret anything, everything is a learning experience was upset at first but now I'm beginning to be angry. To feel like my character is being attacked and have my card pulled when I know for a fact that aint NO ONE a saint. That's fcked up. That's what hurts. I know I'm a good person and I don't mistreat anyone. I was always taught to attack the issue not the person....
I'm just so frustrated and flustered right now I can't even get my thoughts straight. I just know that I feel very numb inside, very misunderstood and very sad because I know that I try my best to make people happy, to make people feel good, and to make people smile. I feel sick to my stomach, like I want to vomit. I want to cry but I have no tears left. I want to scream but I have a frog in my throat. I want to throw, smash, hit, kick, and destroy something but my body feels paralyzed. I think love is the real kryptonite.
Yes, I've won a new outlook on life, love, and people. And let me tell you, the shit aint pretty. But it's ok, I'm just going to stop being nice, caring about peoples feelings and start taking someones advice which was to "do me". Whatever the fck that means. Ah well, I guess I'll find out. You only live once right? No need in tip toeing, explaining or beatin around the bush. I'll let folk think whatever the hell they want and I guess I'll "flirt" til my little fckin heart is content and play football with my shit load of guy friends. *rolling my eyes* fck outa here...One of the most valuable lessons I've learned is to keep my damn mouth shut. People tend to ask you questions about your past/present/future that they really don't want to know the answers to...or they want to know the answers to but know they can't handle it and judge you off of that. Or they pick and choose what they want to judge you off of either way from now on I'm keeping my mouth shut and I will only answer all questions pertaining to "the way I live my life" with "It's none of your damn business." How's that for being secretive?
I made a mistake a long time ago, I started fuckin with a situation that I should have probably left dead a long time ago. Indecisiveness, womped love triangle, whatever you wanna call it, that was it and as much as my unrelenting love had a big part to play with it, it kinda makes you want to say "what's love got to do with it?" Esp. when you're really hurting inside...your head just gets so cloudy and the emotions and feelings that you never thought you could feel so strongly for one person takes over and it's like a 24hr high on some strong ass shit. It makes you want to and/or go against your morals, it makes you try to justify an unjustifiable situation when all you really have to do is open your eyes and see shit for what it is, the real shit. Too many folks are indecisive and too many people have too much love to give. I don't regret anything, everything is a learning experience was upset at first but now I'm beginning to be angry. To feel like my character is being attacked and have my card pulled when I know for a fact that aint NO ONE a saint. That's fcked up. That's what hurts. I know I'm a good person and I don't mistreat anyone. I was always taught to attack the issue not the person....
I'm just so frustrated and flustered right now I can't even get my thoughts straight. I just know that I feel very numb inside, very misunderstood and very sad because I know that I try my best to make people happy, to make people feel good, and to make people smile. I feel sick to my stomach, like I want to vomit. I want to cry but I have no tears left. I want to scream but I have a frog in my throat. I want to throw, smash, hit, kick, and destroy something but my body feels paralyzed. I think love is the real kryptonite.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
There's a method to my mayhem
Update: Had a lot of fun at Birthday Bash last night, oh ATL you know how to show your ass, literally lol
To an extent I reeeally like spending time by myself. I get to talk to myself, do weird things, sing, and dance without being judged. My creative juices start to flow and I don’t feel stifled. I have some of my best moments when I’m alone; I also have some of my worst. I think about what I want to do, where I want to go and who I want to be...and be with. I bet to some I may seem shallow in thought, nonchalant, nonsensical even. But I am always, I repeat, ALWAYS thinking, observing, watching... My mind ticks and tocks like a clock and I know what time it is. Even when it looks like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing I always have a plan, "I got this" as my mom would say. (I’ll find a way or make one—School Motto). I may not always speak about the most important things in comparison to the other things but I know where my priorities are... With that said I’m going to be making a lot of changes in my life within these next few months and I’m prepared, I just hope those around me are.
To an extent I reeeally like spending time by myself. I get to talk to myself, do weird things, sing, and dance without being judged. My creative juices start to flow and I don’t feel stifled. I have some of my best moments when I’m alone; I also have some of my worst. I think about what I want to do, where I want to go and who I want to be...and be with. I bet to some I may seem shallow in thought, nonchalant, nonsensical even. But I am always, I repeat, ALWAYS thinking, observing, watching... My mind ticks and tocks like a clock and I know what time it is. Even when it looks like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing I always have a plan, "I got this" as my mom would say. (I’ll find a way or make one—School Motto). I may not always speak about the most important things in comparison to the other things but I know where my priorities are... With that said I’m going to be making a lot of changes in my life within these next few months and I’m prepared, I just hope those around me are.
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