And the winner is...

Me!



Yes, I've won a new outlook on life, love, and people. And let me tell you, the shit aint pretty. But it's ok, I'm just going to stop being nice, caring about peoples feelings and start taking someones advice which was to "do me". Whatever the fck that means. Ah well, I guess I'll find out. You only live once right? No need in tip toeing, explaining or beatin around the bush. I'll let folk think whatever the hell they want and I guess I'll "flirt" til my little fckin heart is content and play football with my shit load of guy friends. *rolling my eyes* fck outa here...One of the most valuable lessons I've learned is to keep my damn mouth shut. People tend to ask you questions about your past/present/future that they really don't want to know the answers to...or they want to know the answers to but know they can't handle it and judge you off of that. Or they pick and choose what they want to judge you off of either way from now on I'm keeping my mouth shut and I will only answer all questions pertaining to "the way I live my life" with "It's none of your damn business." How's that for being secretive?



I made a mistake a long time ago, I started fuckin with a situation that I should have probably left dead a long time ago. Indecisiveness, womped love triangle, whatever you wanna call it, that was it and as much as my unrelenting love had a big part to play with it, it kinda makes you want to say "what's love got to do with it?" Esp. when you're really hurting inside...your head just gets so cloudy and the emotions and feelings that you never thought you could feel so strongly for one person takes over and it's like a 24hr high on some strong ass shit. It makes you want to and/or go against your morals, it makes you try to justify an unjustifiable situation when all you really have to do is open your eyes and see shit for what it is, the real shit. Too many folks are indecisive and too many people have too much love to give. I don't regret anything, everything is a learning experience was upset at first but now I'm beginning to be angry. To feel like my character is being attacked and have my card pulled when I know for a fact that aint NO ONE a saint. That's fcked up. That's what hurts. I know I'm a good person and I don't mistreat anyone. I was always taught to attack the issue not the person....

I'm just so frustrated and flustered right now I can't even get my thoughts straight. I just know that I feel very numb inside, very misunderstood and very sad because I know that I try my best to make people happy, to make people feel good, and to make people smile. I feel sick to my stomach, like I want to vomit. I want to cry but I have no tears left. I want to scream but I have a frog in my throat. I want to throw, smash, hit, kick, and destroy something but my body feels paralyzed. I think love is the real kryptonite.